I regret not letting my son get the "girly" lunchbox.
In my defense, I didn't use the word, "girly." I think what I said was, "I don't think we should get that one because it looks like it belongs to a girl." Then I quickly veered him toward the "boy" choices, and we decided on a Paw Patrol lunchbox. Yes--"we decided." That was my first mistake.
In the days that followed, I had my son show every visitor his new lunchbox. I made my voice high and squeaky to emit a tone of excitement. "Show Grandma your new lunchbox! Isn't it great!" His excitement began to mirror mine each time he pulled out the blue lunchbox with the red zipper and Chase on the front pocket. Mistake number two.
Soon after, we ventured to the store to purchase a new backpack where my third mistake was quietly waiting. My son walked straight up to the Batman backpack and said, "This is the one I want!" I sighed with relief as I put it into the cart. Thank God he didn't see the Sophia bag over there. Or the Tangled one over there. Or the pink one with sparkly cupcakes. He ultimately ended seeing a matching Paw Patrol backpack, so that is one we took home in the end.
I didn't realize my mistakes until tonight. My son was choosing a sticker after his visit with the chiropractor. The secretary said, "Don't you usually like these princess ones?" (He does like the princess ones.)
"No. Those are for girls."
Shit.
I blew it. I gave in to the peer pressure of gender roles and stereotypes. I was afraid of being judged and afraid my son would be teased for having a pink, sparkly lunchbox. I let my fear of judgement and persecution for his differences manipulate my son into making MY choice. Then I LITERALLY worked to convince him that it was HIS choice, and that HE loved it. What the hell is wrong with me?
Am I not the same person who decided 16 years ago to take my relationship with Christ seriously and put aside my worries and fears of persecution and truly be myself-100% me, 100% of the time no matter who likes it and who doesn't? I am.
Am I not the same woman who made it very clear to her boyfriend that I was not going to spend my time pretending to be someone else because if he was going to love me forever, he needed to know who I am. I am. And he chose me regardless of our differences (and faults--just throwing that out there.)
Am I not the same mom that allowed my son to buy every single Disney princess doll that ever existed? The same mother who allows him to bring said dolls to restaurants and out in public? Am I not the same mama that dresses my daughter in dinosaur and Jeep clothing because it is way cooler and more comfortable than leggings that are too tight for her chunky little baby thighs? (Who designs these clothes anyway? I am sorry, but my one year old does NOT need a bikini swimming suit!) I am. And proud to be,
So what happened?
I lost myself and my own confidence, and I caused my son to question his confidence in himself. I made a mistake. Three, if you've been counting.
Now I need to fix it.
Hopefully, with time, I can reverse the ideas that I planted into his head.
Hopefully he grows up to be a confident young man. One who is sure of who he is and Whose he is. A man who stands up for himself and others in need. A man who honors the Lord with his thoughts, words, and actions-
Even if he is carrying an Elsa backpack.
In the days that followed, I had my son show every visitor his new lunchbox. I made my voice high and squeaky to emit a tone of excitement. "Show Grandma your new lunchbox! Isn't it great!" His excitement began to mirror mine each time he pulled out the blue lunchbox with the red zipper and Chase on the front pocket. Mistake number two.
Soon after, we ventured to the store to purchase a new backpack where my third mistake was quietly waiting. My son walked straight up to the Batman backpack and said, "This is the one I want!" I sighed with relief as I put it into the cart. Thank God he didn't see the Sophia bag over there. Or the Tangled one over there. Or the pink one with sparkly cupcakes. He ultimately ended seeing a matching Paw Patrol backpack, so that is one we took home in the end.
I didn't realize my mistakes until tonight. My son was choosing a sticker after his visit with the chiropractor. The secretary said, "Don't you usually like these princess ones?" (He does like the princess ones.)
"No. Those are for girls."
Shit.
I blew it. I gave in to the peer pressure of gender roles and stereotypes. I was afraid of being judged and afraid my son would be teased for having a pink, sparkly lunchbox. I let my fear of judgement and persecution for his differences manipulate my son into making MY choice. Then I LITERALLY worked to convince him that it was HIS choice, and that HE loved it. What the hell is wrong with me?
Am I not the same person who decided 16 years ago to take my relationship with Christ seriously and put aside my worries and fears of persecution and truly be myself-100% me, 100% of the time no matter who likes it and who doesn't? I am.
Am I not the same woman who made it very clear to her boyfriend that I was not going to spend my time pretending to be someone else because if he was going to love me forever, he needed to know who I am. I am. And he chose me regardless of our differences (and faults--just throwing that out there.)
Am I not the same mom that allowed my son to buy every single Disney princess doll that ever existed? The same mother who allows him to bring said dolls to restaurants and out in public? Am I not the same mama that dresses my daughter in dinosaur and Jeep clothing because it is way cooler and more comfortable than leggings that are too tight for her chunky little baby thighs? (Who designs these clothes anyway? I am sorry, but my one year old does NOT need a bikini swimming suit!) I am. And proud to be,
So what happened?
I lost myself and my own confidence, and I caused my son to question his confidence in himself. I made a mistake. Three, if you've been counting.
Now I need to fix it.
Hopefully, with time, I can reverse the ideas that I planted into his head.
Hopefully he grows up to be a confident young man. One who is sure of who he is and Whose he is. A man who stands up for himself and others in need. A man who honors the Lord with his thoughts, words, and actions-
Even if he is carrying an Elsa backpack.
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