It’s Hard to Breathe Deeply While Wearing a Mask


It’s Hard to Breathe Deeply While Wearing a Mask


You know that feeling that you’re carrying too much? The idea that you have huge, heavy, fragile jugs of water filled to the brim in both arms and one balancing on your head and someone else tries to hand you another jug to carry? And then you drop them...and they break and spill and you are wet and cut and alone? I have felt this feeling so often in my life.


But not this time. This time it doesn’t feel like that. It feels heavy...clouded. Like my insides are filled with black, thick smoke and I cannot breathe. The smoke surrounds my heart and pushes in, adding pressure, squeezing and squishing. It feels as though my heart is in a vice and I keep trying to wiggle out, but I cannot escape. This thick, black smoke is too heavy, too thick.


My mind is filled with smoke too. Just as dark. Just as thick. Just as inescapable. The haze does just that---makes my mind hazey. No focus. No drive. No confidence. No motivation. Just floating in this cloud of depression. I imagine sections of my brain reaching out and trying to push through only to be suffocated in its attempt to break free.


My body reacts to the smog in such frustrating ways--like it cannot decide how to cope. I sleep too much or not at all. I eat too much or not at all. I cry too much or not at all. I yell and search for confrontation. I shut down and avoid conversation. My choking heart continues to pump quick and off-beat. It doesn’t feel right. My restless brain is arguing with itself, throwing out possible solutions to try and grab on to the edge to escape the quicksand that is pulling me down with every effort.


Yikes. It’s hard to breathe deeply while wearing a mask.


But. A breath of fresh air:


“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of depression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2








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For anyone who needs more information:


My current coping strategies: 

  1. Changing my diet---more fruits, veggies, protein. More goodness. This week has been filled with cookies, brownies, and m&ms. I tend to eat more sugars when I am feeling “off” and this does NOT help serotonin levels. 

  2. Working Out--- adding more natural endorphins to clear the air in my brain.

  3. Journaling - - When I begin to write, I never know where it will lead. In today’s case, it led me to the Isaiah Verse---which really is like hearing the VOICE OF GOD himself. What a peace I feel now that I did not feel when I started writing!

  4. Psychology - I have an appointment this week to touch base.

  5. Prayer/Bible Study - My devotion this morning spoke to me so deeply and personally. How does HE do that?!?!

  6. Hugs from my family---According to Dignity Health, “Hugging often creates a feeling of calmness and relaxation. That's because of oxytocin, which is sometimes called the "cuddle hormone." Oxytocin is released when people or pets snuggle up or bond socially.”


 

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