The 10 Costco Commandments

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 I walk in.

The lights are blinding.

As my eyes slowly adjust and my squinting begins to relax, the enormity of the place overwhelms me. The place is huge, ginormous, gigantic, colossal. The concrete ground spreads across the vast, open space. It is immense. 

It's busy every day. There are people everywhere. Some with masks. Some without. Some six feet apart. Some not. Puffy, winter jackets make the people look bigger-more massive. They take up more area and make the space look even more crowded. People rushing. Children reaching. Shoppers racing. 

The sound of chatter, clatters, and carts is like surround sound on every side of me.

The place is a square...or maybe a rectangle. I assume its design is to help people get in and out in one direction quickly. But the rows are on every side and in the middle so you cannot just weave in and out. You have to weave and dodge and cut and push and swing around and swing back and ope! Missed that aisle. 

I feel small and insignificant. At the same time, I feel like I am taking up too much space, and I am in the way. I feel lost. The space is too big. I also feel trapped. The space is too small. I feel utterly alone, but at the same time all the people make me claustrophobic.

How can such a place, a place that was designed for ease, convenience, and great bulk prices bring on such a frenzy of anxious thoughts and feelings? Well, honestly, because this single place contains a multitude of my anxiety triggers: noise, crowds, the need to rush, and the possibility of being seperated from my family are just a few.

So we have rules.

It's the 10 Costco Commandments:

Number one: The challenge demands satisfaction. If you do NOT NEED it, there is no need for further action.

Number two: Do not go without a second. Someone you can count on to double check in.

Number three: Have your second take turns pushing the cart. Negotiate and decide who will start. Most disputes end and someone bends. 

Number four: If you can't find the unusually large tub of animal crackers, that's alright. Time to look for the other snacks on the site. Place it in the cart with your eyes closed so when your kids don't treat you with civility for getting the wrong thing, you have deniability.

Number five: Only go when you have plenty of time to spare. Pick a place and time when you do not care.

Number six: Bring your phone so you can contact the rest of your party. Pray you can get in and out with hardly any wait.

Number seven: Try to keep the adrenaline under control. Pretend you are taking a nice, little stroll.

Number eight: The last chance to go over your list. Review it with your second so they can validate. 

Number nine: Only look through all the aisles you require. Summon the courage to resist your desires.

Count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

Number ten boxes. LOAD!

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*inspired by Hamilton, "10 Duel Commandments"