Know My Heart, and Show Me Yours

 "Search me, O God, and know my heart.

Test me, and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,

and lead me on a path to everlasting life."

Psalm 139: 23-24

Day 6

November 21

If God knows my heart, then I want to know His heart. So today, I am going to take a look at the rest of Psalm 139 from the beginning.

"O Lord, you have examined my heart

and know everything about me."

Psalm 139:1

God is inclusive, accepting, forgiving, and graceful. If he truly knows every part of my heart, even the dark shawdowy areas by the Elephant Graveyard (movie quote--anyone know it?), and STILL loves me, STILL sent His only Son to die FOR ME, then WOW! He must be THE MOST accepting being ever. He must be filled with so much grace to constantly forgive me for making LITERALLY the same mistakes over and over again.

You know when I sit down or stand up;

You know my thoughts even when I'm far away.

You see me when I travel

and when I rest at home.

You know everything I do.

You know what I am going to say 

even before I say it, Lord."

Psalm 139:2-4

God cares. Even about little things like sitting down or resting. Even about big things like my work and chores. Even about my thoughts when they are weird. Even when I dream about sharks in swimming pools and zombies. Every thought that seems random or strange, he cares about. Things I do not even say out loud because nobody would understand--He understands.

"You go before me and follow me. 

You place your hand of blessing on my head.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me

too great for me to understand."

Psalm 139:5-6

THIS RIGHT HERE is why I can trust in the Lord. He goes before me. He stands behind. He blesses me in all aspects of my life. Spiritual blessings from Him can never be taken away. And anything "bad" that happens to me on this Earth, God uses for the good of His kingdom (Romans 8:28). And although my initial instinct is to understand everything and control everything, there is peace in letting go. In admitting that I do not understand, and I do not have to understand. I can just let go, and let God.

"I can never escape from your Spirit!

I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to Heaven, you are there;

if I go down to the grave, you are there.

If I ride on wings of the morning,

if I dwell by the farthest ocean

even there your hand will guide me.

And your strength will support me."

Psalm 139:7-10

I love the poetic pieces of these verses. "riding on wings of the morning..." flying so high and so quick. The mama bird wakes and makes it her mission to be the early bird and get the worm for her babies. She is quick so she can return to her nest. She is on alert for danger, but also experiencing the quenching of the morning dew. I can relate, mama bird. And when I ride on wings of the morning (wake up, teeth, bathroom, clothes, hair, did you brush your teeth?, breakfast, backpacks, lunch boxes, where is your other shoe?, are you sure you brushed your teeth?, coats, hats, out the door, wait! Shut off the lights, car, buckle, oh man, we are late again) EVEN THERE YOUR HAND WILL GUIDE ME.

And then there is "If I dwell by the farthest ocean..." When I stray. Not necessarily stray as in leave You--but when I consciously choose to do wrong, when the world and Satan convince me to do things MY way, when I get lax in my time with You, when I get comfortable and lazy in my faith---even then, YOUR STRENGTH WILL SUPPORT ME. Thank God!

"I could ask the darkness to hide me

and the light around me to become night-

but even in darkness, I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

Darkness and light are the same to you."

Psalm 139:11-12

This goes back to those ideas of the shadows in my heart; the dark places; the secrets that pile up and topple over. Secrets do not exist between human beings and their Creator. Why try? Why pretend? Why deny? Why defy?

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother's womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

every moment was laud out

before a single day had passed."

Psalm 139: 13-16

This is convicting. Because when I fail the Lord's tests, like I so often do, or when I KEEP sinning because well...because I am human, I start to talk down to myself. My daughter would accuse me of "negative self talk." But look at the TRUTH in these verses? I was Created by a loving and careful Creator. On purpose. And HE LOVES ME.

(Also I would like to add: These verses are Biblical Truth proving life begins at conception and proving the value of a life in the womb.)

"How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.

They cannot be numbered!

I cant even count them;

they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

you are still with me."

Psalm 139:17-18

Wait a minute Wait a minute WAIT JUST A MINUTE! You're telling me that NOT only did God Create me, but he KNOWS ALL ABOUT ME AS I AM, BUT HE ALSO thinks about me!?!?! Like I am NOT just some playdoh creature left behind to get dusty on a shelf?~! I am not just a LEGO character in a bin?!? I am not just a Barbie in a dollhouse?!?! 

"Yes, I hate them with total hatred,

for your enemies are my enemies."

Psalm 139:22

Your enemies (that I sometimes harbor in my heart-shame on me): gossip, the need for control, lies, yelling, being condescending, selfishness, self-righteousness, gluttony, sloth, cussing, and so many more...Yes, I hate them. Plech.

I do not really have an ending.

Just the end.